The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

     

Antioch wasn’t just the Ohio College I went to. It was an historically pivotal epicenter of civilization, founded in 400 BCE and acquiring tremendous cultural and spiritual importance through 1,500 years of repeated imperial conquests. The one referenced above occurred during the first European Crusade to reconquer the Holy Lands. There was a famous siege:

<<The dramatic Siege of Antioch was the decisive engagement that marked the arrival of the First Crusade in the Holy Land. In October 1097, tens of thousands of European Crusaders arrived at the gates of Antioch, which is now Antakya in Turkey. They had previously marched through enemy Seljuk lands in Anatolia and captured Edessa in Upper Mesopotamia. Antioch was the strategic nut the Crusaders had to crack if they were to proceed towards Jerusalem. 

Antioch was important for Christians. The saints Peter, Paul and Barnabas had formed the first Christian community there, and the patriarch of the city rivalled both Jerusalem and Constantinople in authority. Even the word ‘Christian’ was first used in Antioch. It was also strategically important. The city controlled the route from Asia Minor into Syria and had kilometres of walls and hundreds of towers. The surrounding terrain meant that Antioch could never be fully surrounded, and it had an excellent water supply. In short, the Byzantinebuilt defences surrounding the city were considered impregnable, and it had only fallen to Muslim Turks in 1085 through treachery. “IN SHORT, THE CITY WAS CONSIDERED IMPREGNABLE AND IT HAD ONLY FALLEN TO MUSLIM TURKS IN 1085 THROUGH TREACHERY”… [A traitor named Firouz]offered to let the besiegers in for money. Bohemond took this information and informed the Crusaders that he wanted to rule Antioch if the operation succeeded. ‘ Firouz let Bohemond’s Norman troops in through a window, and the Crusaders rampaged across the city, killing all in their path… The Crusaders scattered the remaining Muslim cavalry. Bohemond then rushed back into the city and occupied the citadel. He declared himself prince of Antioch and a Norman-led principality was established [c. 1099 CE].>>

Now we have a seat of civilization being assaulted by another crude Crusader. Donald Trump has just been elected President of the United States. I’m here to help defend the Citadel. Who am I? A man who comes from a family well acquainted with ruthless unprincipled oppressors. My parents were persecuted for their political views by a federal government ruled by Republicans. My grandparents were blacklisted along with many other innocents in the viciously fascist McCarthy era. I’ve managed to avoid political hand to hand combat for the most part. Until now. This man with his monstrous aims and behaviors must be stopped. Maybe together we can roll back the siege against all that is good. 

A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20: Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

That’s me, Jake Caraduegga